Another Decrease

Its been a month since my respiratory muscle test. I can feel a decrease in my breathing. Each time I've felt a decrease its as life itself is leaving my body. A part of myself is gone. It's like this complete overall energy drain. If you see me regularly you'll physically see it.

My spunk will return in a few days once I claw my way out of the grasps of death. That's the best way to describe it & exactly how it feels as I adapt to this new decrease in respiratory muscle weakness. The habitual cycle of how this all seems to go. I will say this time doesn't seem as drastic as the others.

I have been using the Trilogy more, or if you wanna call it a bipap, or ventilator. So much more that I am only lasting a few hours on the oxygen cannula the last few days.

I can't sleep unless my body just passes out from exhaustion. My mind just keeps going a million miles an hour. There's so many things I wanna write about, talk about, research about, things I wanna do!!

I look back over the years and I'm amazed and everything I've overcome and everything life has thrown at me and this. I so hope this is nothing different then those other obstacles and challenges. I can rise above this and be stronger. I have to. This cannot be it!!! This is not my end.

I lay here, with my hand on my chest, as the machine works for me so my lungs can rest, so I can rest. I'm still here. I still have purpose! I know I'm tired, but I'm a live. I'm so thankful, I'm a live!!

One thing I have learned is life is not guaranteed! Hold your loved ones close, tell them you love them often. Even if you are young it doesn't matter, illness has NO age, it simply doesn't care! Life can change in a matter of seconds. Never think it can never happen to you! If you are struggling today just know you are never a lone in your battle. Though your circumstances are unique to you, someone out there understands. You never know someone else maybe struggling and could use your story to help them.

Stay strong, keep fighting 💪 💜