Dying A lone in a Sea of Love
- Diary of a Unicorn
- Jan 25, 2021
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 17, 2024
What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of someone dying?
Sadness, darkness, hospitals, illness, cancer, machines, life support, family, peace, emptiness, loss, black, love, funerals....
While there really is no wrong answer, just the first thought that comes to mind. It can tell us a little of ourselves and how we think of someone else dying. How we view this often sad and dark time in our lives.
I've been that person losing a loved one. I wouldn't say I was in much of a darkened place as I was in an awkward and confused one. What do you tell them, how do you communicate with them, do you tell everything you wish you would have, thank them, or do you just sit peacefully, what happens when they don't remember you or they become aggressive and your too weak to handle it? There's just so much to death we don't know or understand.
Here we are. I'm now the one dying and its now me experiencing this. Its a wild experience for sure. There is a lot of truth behind death being so unknown and misunderstood and viewed one way. It is an unbelievably lonely experience and existence. I'm truly amazed!! Am I surprised- absolutely not!
People fear death. People fear the dying. Why do you think so many avoid hospitals and visiting loved ones? Yes, that really happens more times then you think. We naturally fear what we do not know and death is one thing we do not know much about. Don't look at me I don't have some magic key.
Your loved ones are just as scared, this is just as new to them as it is for you. We spend our lives trying to navigate life nonetheless. Surviving that as best we can and then we get to the end, and we somehow are expected to fight that as well. Or some of us I shall say. Some just don't know when it's best to say goodbye.
Why am I fighting a lonely battle? I ask myself this at times. I thought dying meant support and a gathering of love, people. I guess this is also a part of media TV and not actual life. Welcome to reality- it kinda just slaps you in the face.
There's the initial shock when you tell people your dying. The disbelief everything is happening quickly follows. The check-ins fade, the help fades, the kind gestures fade, everything kinda goes back to "normal".
Except I'm still dying, my fight still isn't over, it didn't change just because time went on and I'm still a live. I think when some hear dying they think "immediate future" or "it's happening right now & gone within days".... unless given a time frame, there is no time frame. My doctor has done a great job at prolonging mine!
A month ago I was at 11% lung function. I'm just gonna say I'm probably at 9% maybe a little less, I can feel its decreased. I'm someone who puts my life in the fate of the universe. If its my time its my time and if I'm suppose to live longer then it'll happen. I don't worry about things I cannot control. I leave it be. What will be, I will be at peace with. That's life. I do not live life in fear!
Don't forget those who are dying. They need you, even if its just something super simple. Trust me it'll brighten their day even if they don't quite remember who you are. If they are anything as lonely as I am even in a Sea of love and support it can really hold so much meaning. Please don't fear us, we need you!
Fighting to breathe another day💜 #beccasfight
Awe thank you! I find such a sense of peace through writing. Even while I face my own struggles and death I look at the world and see many others are faced with so much of the same. Especially this past year. I'm hoping to bring some light, hope, and strength to someone who may also need a hand. We're all trying to be understood. You know me, I talk about the hard topics and try and normalize them as much as possible. Death is something that as much as we fear, it is normal and we should openly talk about it and know about it and we should know about our options both young and old. Life is forever…
You are truly an inspiration and your writing is amazing. I can't imagine what you are going through but I have to say that your words bring me a sense of peace and acceptance that I never thought I would feel in regards to the process of death. Usually there isn't time to gain any kind of insight to the other side of grieving, just the deep sense of loss in regards to a loved one or friend. Thank you for continuing to write even though I'm sure that simple task takes a lot out of you too.