Roots of My Journey: The Early Years

7/16/2024

Hey Friend,

I hope this finds you well. Do you ever find yourself thinking of your past? My very first memory is around age one. My family and I were visiting my great grandma at her apartment. I remember walking around the apartment parking lot with family. My siblings and I were running around, and back at her apartment I got onto her coffee table to get some candies she kept in a bowl. You know, those strawberry candies that are wrapped in foil that looks almost like a strawberry, they tend to have a chewy center to them. My great grandma had those on her table. Being so little I couldn’t just reach the bowl, I instead had to pull myself onto the table. Having older siblings meant they moved the bowl and grabbed a piece first, almost like a game between them. That’s the only memory I have of my great grandma, and apparently the very first memory I have.

I was adopted from South Korean, and we lived in Minnesota for a bit before moving to Japan. My dad had a job there. My next memories are of Japan. One of my favorite was riding on the back of my mom’s bike. I couldn’t just sit in the bike seat and not cause trouble. I hated wearing shoes, so I would end up kicking off my shoes mid ride. I’m not sure if my mom ever stopped to retrieve them, but I do remember kicking my shoes off.

My brothers were in school, and I was in preschool, but I don’t actually remember any of it. No I remember things like the smell of fish that was being sold in street markets, but nothing more entertaining then kicking my shoes off. I hated shoes, but would also often try on everyone else’s shoes. People would take off their shoes before entering places, so all the shoes are in one isolated location. Trying on shoes was a favorite of mine.

Between 1990-1991 we ended up moving to NC. That was home throughout my childhood. I don’t have too many memories that stick out from this period. I went to a catholic school, so we had uniforms, but while I was in pre-k kids could wear what they wanted. I remember one morning I was running into the building and of course fell. A little pebble got stuck in my hand. I quickly took it out and kept on running to the building. Does this show that kids, don’t have a great concept of embarrassment yet, because I surely didn’t care. I now have a scar in my hand, so it’s a memory that has stuck with me.

I definitely had quite the fashion sense as a small kid. What was matching? I wore different patterns at the same time, and my favorite, ear muffs around my waist. I love my parents for allowing me to express myself freely in this way. I got dressed up for my dentist visits, something I will never understand but I guess it made my appointments more enjoyable.

While I was a happy kid, I had some problems with communicating. I’m not exactly sure the age but I ended up seeing a speech therapist. I remember seeing her on Saturdays and playing games. Not really talking, but my favorite was Go Fish.

I was found to have an expressive and receptive language disorder. I had a really hard time understanding what was being said or information. This later made reading and comprehending difficult. I also had a hard time saying my own thoughts or what I might need. I would often shut down, and disengage.

Around the time children stopped having tantrums, I was left screaming for hours. I’d often repeat the same phrase. Nothing helped or calmed me down. I remember slamming doors, kicking the walls with my feet. I can’t tell you how I felt, because I don’t know how to feel my own emotions, but these episodes would happen after school, or if I didn’t understand homework, or if people couldn’t understand my needs at the time. I got older and these episodes still happened. I now understand them as meltdowns.

I don’t want to make this letter too long so I will continue in my next one. I appreciate you listening. If you or anyone you know has experienced anything similar, you’re not alone, you weren’t alone. Being a child with a language disorder is hard. I’ll continue this next time.

Stay Well,

Rebecca

Remember the good we put into the world today, can be the change we see tomorrow. Stay Positive