Waking Up With a Trach

Jan 28, 20213 min read

Waking up with a trach was not as exiletaying as I thought it would be. Didnt have that magical moment of "ah I can breathe again!" Now I understand why there are no videos that documents this moment. It would probably scare you as it did me. Nothing prepared me.

Sure I read stories. They were all just so happy they could breathe! They skipped the part where they initially woke up from anesthesia and what that was truly was like. So here is it.

You know that drowning feeling I talk about to describe what respiratory failure feels like. Oh its exactly that but like 5x worse!! What could possibly be worse, right?! Well, this was. Exact you're for real drowning, you can't breathe. You're flailing around like a fish out of water. You can't speak, you can't even make a single sound!!!!! It is absolutely terrifying.

I was surrounded by 4 people, who held me down and tried to calm me down. One suggested "I think we need to put her on a vent, call respiratory". As another said "yeah they were going to try the cpap". My question as Ativan was given to me in my IV to calm me down was - WHY THE HELL WASN'T THIS ESTABLISHED PRIOR TO ME WAKING UP?!

I was in contact with my respiratory therapist who helped me. The cpap settings at first were ok. But I became apneic, which is what happens when you have sleep apnea and stop breathing in your sleep. I don't have sleep apnea. This was bad. My respiratory rate (how many breathes you take in a minute) would drop to 3-5 (I caught it at 6 once in a pic) every time I fell asleep, which I would quickly wake up, and then the alarm on the vent machine would go off. That alarm is ridiculously loud!!

I got the respiratory therapist to change the settings to what my RT suggested which was similar to what I was on prior to the trach. And whala it worked, I could breathe. This was still assisted breathing. I was still doing the work. The work is tiring! I was dozing in and out of sleep from exhaustion and pain meds. I was a mess.

The pain wasn't bad though, its just sore. We all handle pain differently so you can't compare what I say to someone else. I am also staying in top on my pain as well so that could also be playing a significant role in the decrease of pain which is why its just sore. Pain meds don't typically make me so drowsy that I'm just falling over asleep randomly. I was doing this prior to surgery when breathing was sucking every ounce of energy.

At around 1030p I met the LNP who told me because I was still on assisted breathing and if I felt like I was getting too tired that they could switch me to full ventilation. This is where the machine does 100% of the work for me. This is mechanical ventilation. Of course I dozed in and out of sleep and kept thinking I was waking up long enough to sign myself up for it.

Lucky for me at around 12a my nurse came in to give me pain meds, but the respiratory therapist also comes in to check on me and that's when I asked to be switched to 100% full ventilation. At this moment I'm breathing hard, she can tell I'm tired and working hard just to breathe.

I don't know what to expect, so I grab hold of my blanket. And she says "you need to relax and slow your breathing, we're going to do this slow, ok?" At first I can't feel anything. She slowly increases the rate, still nothing. Then I feel it, just slightly. It's so crazy to feel a machine move your lungs. You can hold your breath and your lungs are still going to move. I felt like this weight was lifted though, I could FINALLY relax, it felt SO much better to not have to do the work. Its been 4hrs, no dozing randomly, and I feel like I actually have some energy. I haven't felt like this in what feels like forever!!

I have been suctioned now a handful of times. It makes you cough like crazy. Let me say this though, its a feeling I can't quite describe but it feels amazing getting mucus out of your lungs 😂. Its the small things y'all!!

Even though waking up with a trach wasn't at all how I thought it would be, I am so thankful to have it. I am thankful to be a live. I'm thankful to be finally be able to breathe 🫁🎉! It is such am amazing feeling!